Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
