I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
