..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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