You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
