every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
no you cant smoke seaweed
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
