Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
