$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
