He asked to "fluff my boner.."
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm sobbing to NWA
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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