so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
