my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
