we have officially lost it.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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