Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
