The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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