we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
