Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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