he thought i was a dude.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
