mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
