so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
