I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
