I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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