please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
