those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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