Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
