Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
