I wish my penis had an off switch
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
