I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
