i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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