you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
