She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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