I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
