The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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