I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
