Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
