You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
