so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
