seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
