He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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