he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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