There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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