my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
