I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
