Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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