I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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