I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
