So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
