If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
