I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
