Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
