i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
