Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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