my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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